This post turned into a bunch of word-vomit. Hang in there with me…or skip this one. I’m working on self-care and it’s important for me to have a space to get it out there.
Guys…I have 6 appointments this week.
Yes, that means I have 2 appointments on one day, but one of them is just a med check.
Seriously, though. Because I am transitioning therapists right now, I have 2 therapy appointments this week. I have my dietish appointment and my med check (which really only comes up every 8-12 weeks). I have my DBT group (which I love, but I think after this module, I’m going to have to stop going…it’s just too much and I’ve done the modules once through already. And I have my ED process group which is FAN-fucking-TASTIC (I’m not being at all sarcastic. I was so hesitant to join this group and it has become SO helpful).
I don’t think anyone realizes how much of a full time job recovery is. It’s not just going to appointments, which is a time-suck, but it’s taking the time to LIVE what I learn and discuss in my appointments. Right now I wouldn’t have it any other way, but sometimes I just want to know what it’s like to go through a week (or a day. or an hour) without having to be aware all the time.
I think part of it feels hard right now because I came to the conclusion that I need to switch therapists. This is in no way a bad thing — long story short, I realized that my needs in therapy right now are different than A was able to meet. I need someone really aggressive and hands-on right now, because I’ve been stuck for way too long. Beyond the general eating stuck (sucking on the meal plan etc), I’ve felt mentally stuck for a while (months) and after some discussion, I decided to start ending things with A and finding a new therapist. The only bad thing about this is that I haven’t had real therapy in like a month — my sessions with A have been focused on sort of wrapping things up and I don’t start with the new therapist, N (TNT?) until after our last session (something both of us decided would be best for other reasons).
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG A MONTH IS WITHOUT WORKING INDIVIDUAL THERAPY?
I’m not even talking about ED stuff only. I have an awesome RD to help with that. I’m talking about the generalized anxiety, depression and regular old obsessiveness that was there before the AN and will probably exist after the AN.
Sometimes I hate being so dependent on mental healthcare, but when it’s working and I’m dealing with stuff that isn’t just the AN, I can’t deny that — for me, at least — talk therapy is really important.
Sorry this post became so jumbled.
-I have 6 appointments this week.
-I’m switching therapists.
-My RD is awesome.
-Therapy, for me, is REALLY important and extremely helpful.
-I will probably deal with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but I am really learning how to live with it.
-I didn’t say this in my post, but I got a cat. And she is AWESOME and deserves a post of her own, so more later on Sophie.